Story writing: The Three Bears

After reading different versions of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, children were asked to write a story, keeping the three bears as main characters but introducing another fairy-tale character into the tale to cause a problem.

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Transcript

The three bear and the big bad wulth

By Daniel

Once upon a time there Lived three bears and they Lived in a cottage in the wood and there cottage was blue also red one sunny morning mummy bear cuct brefrt but baby bears breft to hot and mummy bears brecfust was to hot. Also bears brecfut was hot so they went for a walk in the park because baby bear wanted to play on the swing but before long when the three bears reely away from home a big bad wuth came and he went into the three bear house and he brock baby bear faivart… ball and it was a blue bowl and the wulth said "ups I will let the bear cleen that up" and then he went into the frunt room and there play stayshun was on and he had a go. Just because he cudnt get on levull to he put it on the floor and he stam on it and it broack it and he said "I don't cair because the three bear can bie a nuva play staishn and then he went upstairs and then he lied on daddy bear bed but it was to hared so he went on mummy bear bed and it was to soft also he had a go on baby bears bed and it was riet and in one mintt the wulth was a sleep. then the three bears came back they went up sairs and daddy bears saw the wulth woakup and he ren out and he nether came back again.

Assessment commentary

  • The variety of sentence openers helps the story to flow (AF5 L2 b1).
  • Some complex sentences work to articulate events, despite lack of punctuation (AF5 L3 b1) and frequent use of 'and' to connect ideas (AF5 L2 b2). Past and present tense is generally consistent (AF5 L2 b3).
  • Clause structure is mostly grammatically correct (AF6 L2 b1), but many sentences are over-extended and need to be punctuated with full stops (evidence of clause chaining, below AF5 L2). There is some speech punctuation but not used consistently (part evidence for AF6 L3 b2).
  • The story is appropriately presented as small book with cover illustration and title page, designed and made by Daniel. The text is sequenced using a number of time-related words, e.g. 'before long', 'and then', developing a sense of chronology. The text would benefit from section breaks. The opening and closing of the story is appropriate for a traditional tale (AF3 L3 b1, b2 and b3).
  • The action-driven story hangs together around characters’ names and the pronouns that refer to them (AF4 L2 b1).
  • Daniel includes content from the original story, with some repetition (AF1 L2 b1). His introduction of a wolf who behaves badly – with imaginatively characterised actions: 'he stamped on it', 'in one minute the wolf was asleep' – creates interest (AF1 L2 b2).
  • There is a beginning, middle and end which follow the pattern of a traditional story and the use of direct speech contributes to an engaging narrative style (just AF2 L3 b1, b2 and b3).
  • Vocabulary comprises fairly simple nouns, verbs and adjectives, e.g. 'went for a walk in the park', 'their cottage was blue also red' (A7 L2 b1).
  • There are a number of attempts at using two- and three-letter graphemes, e.g. 'ee', 'oo', 'or', 'ar', 'ng', 'oa', 'ck', 'air', from L and S Phase 3 and 'ay', 'ue', 'ae',  from Letters and Sounds Phase 5 (AF8, L2 b2).
  • Letters are clearly formed and shaped. Several two-letter graphemes are joined, e.g. 'ee', 'ar', 'er' (L2 b1, b2).