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Hello and Happy First Post!

by Will-R on 26 February 2010

Good Afternoon,

My name is Will and I'm 35 years old (I think - I've not has cause to pay attention). I've been suffering from depression for the last five years, which started when my mother passed away mid December of 2005. She was the one person I could talk to about anything and she was taken from me at the young age of 47 due to alcoholic tendencies. I wasn't allowed to take on the house in which we both lived as there was an age limit so I was forced to relocate over the 2006 New Year period. Not an experience I would wish on anybody really...
That's the 'why' out of the way...

I've been on various medications, which include citalopram, prozac, fluoxetine, and currently, sertraline. The only one which provided some actual benefit in daily life was prozac but I tended to suffer the most horrific nightmares on those things - I'm starting to wonder if the nightmares were separate and the pills got the blame though. I'll have to enquire about that.

I used to self harm in the early days but got out of that situation over time. In the last year I seem to have added anxiety attacks to my list of ailments (bad back being the other). My daily routine was, well, not. There were/are days where I don't need sleep and some where I simply can't get up. I used to be very assertive, active and outgoing but it's like everything has been turned on its head. I have difficulty in crowded places or being in a position where I have to talk to someone I don't know, which sets off my attacks. I keep putting things off as it becomes just too stressful to think about at times. I spend most of my time either at home on my own (shaking and/or crying over the helplessness I feel), or staying at my cousins (better to clear the mind, but the kids are monsters).

I had a medical in January this year where they have decided that I'm actually fit for work which sent me over the edge again - I started self harming out of futility of the whole situation. I (as of next week) have to deal with crowded places (JC+) and speaking to people I don't know (jobseeking) lest they stop my benefits. I have to go through hell to avoid going through hell. My appeal is in the post and I can't get an earlier doctor's appt. till the 11th so it's just a case of holding on till then.

Fortunately, I have some very good friends and family who know how I'm feeling so there's at least some good in all of this.

That's my story so far, looking to keep you all up to date on my progress from now on.

A pleasure to be a part of this blog; stay strong! (",)

 

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Optimist at Heart said on 27 February 2010

Hi Will - welcome to the blog site and yes, please do keep us up to date with how you're getting on.

Best wishes,

Val

 
Will-R said on 28 February 2010

Hi Val,

Thank you for your kind welcome, and I certainly will; been wanting to vent some of my frustration over this for a long time but I don't think my personal blog is really an appropriate place (",)

Warm Regards,

Will

 
Piggles said on 5 March 2010

Hi Will

Just a quick hello!  Your blog rings true on many levels, thank you for sharing your thoughts.  :)

Emma

 
Sampatrik said on 1 April 2010

I like all your post.I will keep visiting this blog very often.It is good to see you verbalise from the heart and your clarity on this important subject can be easily observed.

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