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by barmycarmy on 21 April 2010

Well hi there! This is my first post so i'll introduce myself.

My name is Carmel, i'm 26 and i've been a sufferer of mental illness for over 10 years now. Its only in the last few years that i have tried to take contol, get a offical diagonsis and get on with my life. However, its not as easy as that, so i'm hoping by writing down my own experiences other people may benefit.

I also believe blogging is a great theaputic tool.

My current situation is that i'm on a waiting list for Primary care (Counselling and Cognative Behaviour Theaphy i think) but right now i'm un-medicated and not really coping well. Depression is a horrible thing to have to battle through, and when your not on medication its a harder battle. My current work situation doesnt help at all as it adds to my already terrible mood. I'm also in the process of moving out. Lots of stress to deal with :(

Its not been a very nice few weeks. As i havent been medicated for over a month i'm starting to feel the symptoms again. I'm very miserable. The smallest thing has me in tears. I'm feeling really paranoid. Tired all the time and over-eating. In general i'm just absolutely fed up of my life and i cant see a way out. If it wasnt for my supportive boyfriend then i dont know if would be here, writing this blog. However what is strange is this week not a great deal has changed, but my mood has. My mood swings can be long lasting or quick changing and it has been suggested several times that i suffer from Bipolar Disorder but getting a diagnosis is near on impossible. I have spent the past 3 years or so getting to the point i'am now. Primary Care is my next step, but a waiting list is so disheartening. I could be waiting weeks, i could be waiting months! Thats the really rubbish thing.

In the meantime i'm just expected to cope, but sometimes i just dont feel like i can. It can be a real struggle to get out of bed most days. I also have a history of self-harming. Something i havent done in awhile, but the thought process is still there. My GP appointment this morning was a waste of time as i was told to make a appointment with another GP. The only times i can fit a appointment around work is Tuesday and Wednesday mornings so thats another week without anti-depressants. I sometimes feel as though doctors turn there nose up at mental illness. As if its all imaginary. I only wish it was :( The support just doesnt seem to be there right now.

Anyway i'm rambling. Hope everyone is ok.

Carmy xxx


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lilruthc said on 22 April 2010

Hey Carmy,

I totally understand your frustration with the nhs waiting time - the service just isn't there when you need it is it? Last time I was referred, I waited 6 months to be seen! By the time I was seen, I was doing way better, and the guy could hardly help me really.

The primary care support might not be there for you, but there is support here :)

I'm now on the waiting list again, its been 5 weeks I think, and I'm having a bad episode of my anxiety symptoms again. I got so fed up of waiting I decided to seek the help of a private counsellor. Yes it was an expensive move but I think it was a good one for me.

JustEliza said on 23 April 2010

They are making changes in the system to enable quicker access to low-impact treatments for depression and anxiety. They are so understaffed!!

When I was on the list a while ago, I waited almost a year for my first counselling session. Currently, I've been waiting 7 months for a CBT professional. I've been told 2-3 more months until I have my assessment. Certainly, I will be a different person then. I'm already a different person to when I opted in last year.

But in many ways, it is much more productive to have therapy when you aren't in crisis.  It's a different sort of therapy and not at all wasted.

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