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Posts from February 2010

  • Hi All,

    Me again (obviously). Had one of those brilliant days yesterday where everything just went perfectly. Had to go out and buy food which I'm never fond of, but it has to be done. I don't know whether the sertraline is actually starting to take effect now or I just woke up in a completely different mindset (I could do with that more often). Every road I came to was either empty or the traffic lights were on 'walk'. I couldn't help but wander about with a huge grin on my face. To top it all off I won ~£50 on the bonus ball draw at my regular pub (I say regular, it's about once a week, if that - although not at all in the last month). Happy days!

    My life has always been strange like that, just when all has gone to crap, something happens to keep me on the right path.

    Usually go to our Deb's (cousin) for dinner on a Sunday but this is the second week I've had to turn her down; need to be here to sign on first thing in the morning - not looking forward to that but I'm going to take my mind off it today by writing a program and chilling out instead. Haven't got to do anything today so it should be fine as long as I keep myself occupied. Fingers crossed (although, not when coding!)

    Hope everyone's doing alright, and if I could, I would gladly share yesterday with you all.

    Kindest Regards,

    Will

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  • Ok, I know it's been a while since I've written here, but after watching Skins lastnight I felt compelled to write. 

    So Effy, one of the main characters, had a psychotic episode. She had these mad, staring eyes; wild hair; a demented laugh, and complained of "The Others", that the clouds were the faces of "the others" pressing into her world from the "other world". She ends up slitting her wrists in a bathroom because she is left alone FOR ONE MINUTE. 
    Effy, I should add, is upper-middle class, a known attention-seeker, promiscuous, nihilistic, even slightly psychopathic. She is often described as "brilliant" or "remarkable" and lots of imagery to do with a bright, burning flame is used.

    Is it just me who thinks this is all a bit boring? Even a bit demeaning? I mean really, how obvious and ridiculous is it to have the beautiful young mess-up suddenly becoming psychotic, after no early warning signs, and suddenly become suicidal because of being left unsupervised? Did anyone else find this a bit offensive? 

    I sort of felt like - okay, I'm going to say this. I think mental illness has been glamourised recently. I think people think it's really cool to be bipolar. Some women are delighted when they're diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Depression seems to give people a real brooding edge that people like. Why is this happening? Especially in youth culture, the idea of being a tortured genius is very romantic at present, and I wish it would go away. I find it offensive. I wouldn't go around lying about some serious illness I had because I thought it made me cool - and portraying it the way E4 did lastnight on Skins isn't helping. 

    Does anyone else get my point? Or do I just need to get off of my high-horse?

     

    Comment appreciated.  

  • Hello and Happy First Post!

    by Will-R on 26 February 2010

    Good Afternoon,

    My name is Will and I'm 35 years old (I think - I've not has cause to pay attention). I've been suffering from depression for the last five years, which started when my mother passed away mid December of 2005. She was the one person I could talk to about anything and she was taken from me at the young age of 47 due to alcoholic tendencies. I wasn't allowed to take on the house in which we both lived as there was an age limit so I was forced to relocate over the 2006 New Year period. Not an experience I would wish on anybody really...
    That's the 'why' out of the way...

    I've been on various medications, which include citalopram, prozac, fluoxetine, and currently, sertraline. The only one which provided some actual benefit in daily life was prozac but I tended to suffer the most horrific nightmares on those things - I'm starting to wonder if the nightmares were separate and the pills got the blame though. I'll have to enquire about that.

    I used to self harm in the early days but got out of that situation over time. In the last year I seem to have added anxiety attacks to my list of ailments (bad back being the other). My daily routine was, well, not. There were/are days where I don't need sleep and some where I simply can't get up. I used to be very assertive, active and outgoing but it's like everything has been turned on its head. I have difficulty in crowded places or being in a position where I have to talk to someone I don't know, which sets off my attacks. I keep putting things off as it becomes just too stressful to think about at times. I spend most of my time either at home on my own (shaking and/or crying over the helplessness I feel), or staying at my cousins (better to clear the mind, but the kids are monsters).

    I had a medical in January this year where they have decided that I'm actually fit for work which sent me over the edge again - I started self harming out of futility of the whole situation. I (as of next week) have to deal with crowded places (JC+) and speaking to people I don't know (jobseeking) lest they stop my benefits. I have to go through hell to avoid going through hell. My appeal is in the post and I can't get an earlier doctor's appt. till the 11th so it's just a case of holding on till then.

    Fortunately, I have some very good friends and family who know how I'm feeling so there's at least some good in all of this.

    That's my story so far, looking to keep you all up to date on my progress from now on.

    A pleasure to be a part of this blog; stay strong! (",)

     

  • depression new blogger

    by sea1 on 24 February 2010

    hi

     

    was prescribed citalopram but it made me too ill, im now taking paroxetine but my mood hasnt lifted how long do they take to work its my 2nd wk of trying it. im waiting to see a counsellor, but a psychiatrist or psychologist is prob what i need to deal with past issues. if they could just sort my thyroid out id probably have some energy, instead of feeling exhausted all the time. the worst is i avoid friends social situations when im bad n was having panic attacks at uni, supermarkets or anywhere with lots of people. im still avoiding the city centre too, but having a toddler means i need to get out its hard and i feel guilty sometimes for avoiding going out. when im well we go out all the time to places n friends. i just wonder if, when im ever going to get control of my life back?? 

     

    stay well.

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  • mind gone.

    by dontcare on 19 February 2010

    hey i'm back.  don't know what to say really, apart from my head keeps wandering. got some bad news about one of my friends dad today.

    He has cancer that can't be treated.  i really don't know what todo, i have to think of myself but i really want to be there for my friend.  I try todo too much and my mind starts racing, i'm trying to be brave but all i keep thinking about is my mum. I don't like to think of her, she's my biggest problem.

    When i was younger i got all the blame for things that happened in the house. got to bebrave and not let her get to me.

    don't know what todo helpme please.

    lx 

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  • How is everyone today? I'm not too bad, having a bit of a down day but I'm doing my best to keep on top of it. I think its because I'm tired after a late night last night but maybe I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by things at the moment.

    Had a bit of a nightmare last night, we went for a meal at the hotel where we have our wedding reception provisionally booked (we went for someones birthday!). Its a lovely hotel and the food is normally gorgeous. Not yesterday. We all met at the hotel & ordered about 9pm, and were still there, finishing deserts, at 11.15pm. :-( Not funny. And to top it all off, the waitress decided to tell us at 11.15pm that 'she wasn't rushing us, but she could go when we paid the bill'!!! Even less funny. Thats kinda put a spanner in the wedding reception as I don't exactly have much confidence in the venue and we're going to try and find somewhere else to have the reception, which is something we didn't need. A more positive news on the wedding front is that the plan for the rings has changed & we're now having them hand made by a local jeweller who we've used before. I'm really excited about that as they're going to be stunning! :-)

    We're going out again tonight to see a friend in a panto so thats going to be a nice night out & I have a tutorial for my OU course tomorrow that I'm looking forward to as well. Work on Sunday isn't the highlight of my weekend but it'll be ok. Then back to my full time job on Monday. Busy life all in all.

    My review with the Dr went well. She was quite positive & said I seemed to be thinking really logically, having made the decision that its not the most sensible time to try & come off my medication with everything thats going on. But she did say that she thinks its perfectly do able to come off my medication in time for the wedding, which is what I aimed for, even if I don't come off it this summer!So thats made me feel a lot better. And I've been given a place on a weight management programme, which is another positive step. I'm not too concerned about my weight, its more my levels of body fat & the body tone that bugs me but it means I'll have someone watching my weight with me and giving me some support too!

    Right, back to my work. Hope everyone is doing well & I'll keep everyone updated!

  • ... to shove up my a*se!!

    When all the thinking, writing, deliberating, thinking, counselling, planning and more thinking is done, what else is there left to do other than just get the hell on with it???  It drives me to distraction, but I seem to be stuck in a near-catatonic state, able to "see" in my mind's eye how great and "normal" my life could be ... if ... I ... could ... just ... make ... that ... first ... move ...

    Nope, no good.  My body is inert.  My middle name is Ida and I'm thinking of changing it to Idle.

    I wear a pedometer, hoping to get somewhere near the recommended 10,000 steps a day, but rarely get above 4,000, some days barely 2,000.  I bought a Wii Fit Plus - hoping to use it every day - which I usually manage to do for half an hour on Monday (and sometimes Tuesday) mornings, then don't even turn it on for the rest of the week!  I spent a whole Sunday afternoon, a couple of weeks ago, working out how to get to the "local"-ish swimming baths and felt really good when I made the effort to go the next day, hoping that I would go twice a week, now that I knew how easy and enjoyable it was.  Haven't been since!!

    Now, I know that the worst thing I can do here (for my depression and potential recovery) is to call myself names (lazy, useless, fat, etc, etc ...) but I feel like I need shaking and to be given a good talking to!  Perhaps I could take to yelling Audrey Hepburn's line from the Ascot scene in My Fair Lady: "Cam'on Dover, move yer bloomin' a*se" !!!

    Right, well ... I'm going to try and put outdoor clothes and shoes on ... then I'm going to try and move myself OUT of my house and into the sunshine ... 

    ... then I'm going to look for a rocket !!!

    Val x

  • Taking a chance

    by Piggles on 18 February 2010

     

    This is a risky blog!  I’ve written it straight from my head with all the confusion and selfishness that’s in there because I know I need honest responses and I won’t get those unless I am honest with how I feel at this very moment.

    So today I have mostly been flitting between anger, despair and normality.  Began thinking about past arguments and conversations and getting uppity , thinking I backed down too easily or I’m being walked all over.  My living situation is bearable, but is the main reason for the anger.

    A week or two ago I mentioned to my boyfriend that I had been thinking about moving out.  This is something that has been on my mind for over a year, but as a good friend of mine had offered me a room and needed someone as soon as possible, I thought I’d mention it.  The room was offered to both of us, although we have only been dating for a year but the situation between us is a little unusual.  We were friends and house mates long before we got together, so we sort of fell into a casual living arrangement - we still have our own rooms and so on.

    To me, there is no question of our future together, so when it became clear that he didn’t want to move just yet, I didn’t think it would be an issue if I considered going on my own (does that really sound logical?).   Just not true.  My timing was awful – a few days before his Mum’s mastectomy was when I mentioned it, which I know was very badly thought out and I hate myself for it, but I’d been waiting for weeks for a ‘good time’ to say something and unless I waited for her remission, there never was going to be a good time.  So I opened my big mouth and stuffed my foot right in there.

    Now, I’m not saying that I wasn’t a complete tw*t for timing, but when I think back over it, I can’t help but feel angry.  One of the cons of my moving was that it was to a place that would be hard for him to get to, albeit only a couple of miles away, and with the cats to come home to it would be awkward.  My interpretation:  I’m not worth any more effort than going to the next room.  Now I know this isn’t true (at this moment, when I am in a more level-headed state) but it’s still there, in my head, shouting at me.  I feel that the compromise is all one way and are now torn between doing what I know is selfish but might benefit me in the long run and doing what will benefit my boyfriend in the short term.

    I can’t deny that my motives weren’t entirely selfish.  I really don’t like living in this house.  It’s run-down, dingy – nobody seems to make any effort to keep it clean.  The kitchen is falling apart, literally.  The whole place is damp and drafty and just so utterly depressing.  I just want somewhere nice, with a whole kitchen and people that can pee in the toilet bowl and not on the floor.  On a good or normal day, of course, you just roll your eyes and find some sort of funny or endearing quality to these little annoyances but when you can barely drag yourself out of bed in the morning and when you do, you are faced with dirt and mess and inconsideration, it’s too much to bear.  I know it sounds stupid, getting so worked up about cleanliness and order and so on – I know that these things don’t matter when it comes to the big picture but all the little things build up and build up, and I can’t see beyond them and I feel myself slipping into an impossible situation.  Maybe I am a fool for allowing my environment to have such an impact on me? 

    Apart from the surface irritants, this house also reminds me of bad times and my ex.  I feel like I just want somewhere completely void of any associations – somewhere new where there has been no unhappiness or anything familiar to the bad times.  This seems to happen a lot – I have a particularly bad episode and whatever happens to be around me at the time is what I associate with those feelings. 

    Mostly, I feel so helpless, especially on the dark days when I feel that I am such an unnecessary burden on my boyfriend – he has so much to cope with right now I don’t want to make things worse and because it’s hard for him to understand, what I know as a characteristic of depression he can only see as a characteristic of me.  I end up hating myself for thinking all the horrible, unfair things that I’ve thought and feel so guilty.  In the end, the guilt becomes so overbearing that I start to become consumed with it and can’t see beyond it.  It seems a vicious cycle of guilt, self-loathing and selfishness, and I don’t quite know how to stop it other than wait it out.  By which time, I’ve done more damage to those I love.

    If anyone knows how I can get out of this, please let me know!  I’m so weary of fighting against myself and the people who need my support and who are trying to support me.

    Sorry for all this self-indulgence!   

    E.

    xo

     

  • Why no name-calling?

    by Daniel S on 18 February 2010

    Why are there no (popular) pejorative terms for people who suffer from depression? There are plenty of rude names for the mentally ill (loony, schizo, crackpot: insert your own here), but none to describe/insult we unipolar and bipolar sorts.

    There are, I suggest, three possible explanations, one or all of which might be the truth.

    The first is that the illness is so ubiquitous it is mostly accepted throughout society.

    A report released earlier this month by the social care organisation Turning Point claimed 75% of the UK's population face depression occasionally or regularly. Aggressive epithets are often born of fear or a lack of understanding: racist language, for instance. But there's no terror or ignorance if the majority of us have had the same experience.

    Another likely reason is that we British don't like to talk about depression.

    Turning Point's report suggested that only a third of sufferers seek help - and they are usually fobbed-off with quick, cheap fixes in the form of medication and simple therapy, according to journalist and mental health worker Luiza Sauma.

    Writing on the Guardian website yesterday, she stated her belief that depression in the UK is "often treated with a mixture of suspicion, contempt and shame". Such attitudes ought to raise a few inventive insults, but maybe depression is too taboo to raise even in jest. (There are, it could be noted by way of illustration, few widely used terms for perpetrators of unmentionable acts such as cannibalism and incest.)

    The final explanation I'll offer is one of simple practicality.

    Try to come up with your own bit of name-calling: it's bound to be terrible. Gloomo, moany, blue-face, depressington: all very, very rubbish. Misery-guts, saddo, mardy-bum or face-ache might have worked had they not been taken.

  • I should probably start by saying that Venlafaxine isn't a drug people should avoid, unless you're me!  I'm sure it really helps people but it really wasn't for me.  I went to the doctors and she decided to put me onto Mirtazapine.  I was happy to be coming off the Venlafaxine but after a few hours of being on the new meds I noticed their effect.  My moods were out of control!  The slightest thing would send me off into a rage, shouting, storming about, being a complete a*se to everyone etc.  I have been running into the toilets at work because I am frustrated for no reason which is upsetting me and making me cry.  Which I can't do at my desk!  Things have become so bad on this new medication that I have considered stopping taking them and dealing with the withdrawal symptoms and eventually full blown depression.  After long deliberation I decided to continue with this course since it wasn't going to be forever.  I'm so sick of not being able to tust my own mind, my own actions.  I know when I'm being unreasonable but at the same time I don't, it's rather strange.  I would LOVE to be able to chill out and be happy but the depression, new meds and a new and VERY demanding and stressful job just wont allow it.  I'm sure my reactions to the Venlafaxine and Mirtazapine MUST be a sign of something more than depression.  What do you think?

    I'm going now, I'm rather tired and I'm sure I'm just ranting and repeating myself!

    Good Night and Good Luck,

    Vic

    Oh yes, and I want an anti d that I can have alcohol with!  I turn twenty next month and I should be able to have the odd drink with my friends and not have depression ruling every aspect of my life!

     

     

  • An introduction, of sorts!

    by Piggles on 16 February 2010

    Hello! My name is Emma. I am 28 and a 'mature' student (!).  I live with my boyfriend, a house mate and two lovely but naughty cats.  I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 and have been on and off medication for the last ten years (mostly off, but consistently on for the last year). 

    My relationship with this illness is uneasy.  I was not at all accepting of the diagnosis at first and I still have those childish, belligerent moments where I categorically deny to myself that anything is wrong.  My explanation is that this is just who I am, but it isn’t and to tell the truth, I am completely lost.  I have no clue as to why this has happened.  I try but still I cannot pinpoint the moment when everything became so empty. 

    I take Fluoxetine and have done for the last twelve months.  I tried counselling since that first diagnosis, but find it near enough impossible to understand why I should trust a stranger.  I think I still see myself as being responsible for how I feel.  Over the years I have found that I’m not necessarily irrational, just unaffected.  I can recognise triggers and know the motivations behind my actions or behaviour, but just can’t seem to do anything about it.  Sometimes I wonder why I should.  Most of the time I feel fairly normal but other times (such as now!) I am filled with unexplainable despair and getting away from this feeling is like trying to climb out a big bucket of treacle or something!  There is a constant and unflinching weight that I am dragging around that’s become so familiar it almost feels safe and I can never be quite sure what I feel about anything, or how to distinguish between thoughts that are coming from me and those that are not.  I think there is such a thing as ‘over-counselling’ whereby you spend so many years listening to other people give you causes and motivating factors that you end up not being at all sure what you have control over, or what has control over you.  It’s confusing, to feel like you have to question your every thought or action in order to establish whether or not you are the sole cause of it. 

    I hope this blogging experience helps somewhat.  I apologise for my tendency to ramble in advance!   I have some degree of support (that I have allowed rather than been offered) but it is hard for people inexperienced with depression to establish what behaviour is due to that and what isn’t.  Similarly, I don’t want depression to always be an excuse – if I’m a bitch, then so be it!  I should be told!

    So there we go – I’m not sure what kind of an insight this will give anyone, if any!  But I have already found so many familiar tales amongst everyone that I am hopeful this experience will help me where the usual talking techniques may not.  I am always happy to chat with anyone and don’t want to think of the whole blogging process as a one-way experience.  Like most people, other people’s problems seem a lot easier to handle than my own and more often than not help me to address my issues a little better!

     Thank you for taking the time to read all this blah! 

    Emma

    xo

  • So, it’s post 2 and time to tell a bit more about the Toad.

    I am 37 and work for the NHS as a mental health nurse. The big D, as I call it, first started back in 2001, although in typical toad fashion, I decided that denial ain’t just a river in Egypt and ignored it for a year. I knew all the symptoms and basically self diagnosed. But, as I am a self styled ‘SuperToad’ who sorts out everyone else’s problems but not my own, I thought that if I kept my webbed feet over my ears and said la la la very loudly, it would go away.

    Funnily enough, it didn’t.

    Two things happened which were turning points. First, I watched an ad for the then 'new' VW Golf and promptly burst into tears along with the Golf weeping silent tears on the driveway. (BTW you can see the ad here by a bit of cutting and pasting):

    By sheer coincidence, one of my closest friends who is a psychiatrist by trade, rang me shortly afterwards and suggested that I might want to get some help.

    Secondly, I registered with a new GP and had a screening appointment with a GP who has turned out to be the person that has saved my life on several occasions. It was classic, in denial stuff so picture the scene.

    After 10 minutes of being asked questions about lifestyle, basic health stuff

    GP: Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about today?

    Me: Well, there IS something, but I’m sure it’s nothing, you know what nurses are like, dangers of self diagnosis and all that, ho ho, am a bit of a drama queen…..

    GP: Yeeessss? (silently thinking ‘get to the point’)

    Me: Well, I think I might be a bit depressed, you know, nothing major, but I get very weepy, my mood is in my boots, I feel dreadful every day, I can’t sleep and have early morning waking… this has been going on for the last year or so, but I’m sure it’s nothing other than being a little bit depressed, maybe

    GP: You are right, you’re not a little bit depressed…

    Me (rudely interrupting and getting up to go): Thought so! Sorry to be a pain, nice to meet you etc….

    GP: You sound like you are depressed. But I can and will help and support you.

    The rest is history. And it’s history that I’d like to share with you guys if you’d like to hear it.

    Tune in soon for part 3

  • Update

    by GaryP on 16 February 2010

    Little update:

    I can'r remember anything from Friday/Saturday onwards, when I found out my best friend basically didn't even think of me as a friend anymore; it emotionally destroyed me. Apart from that, my memory is basically a blank.

    Can't remember today...But I remember somehow being able to stay awake 'til about 3pm? Then I inevitably gave in to the depression and slept...Woke up, then went to bed a few hours later? ...I think, I can't remember.

    Today is the 3rd day (Again...I think) I've managed to lay in bed crying.

    Haven't been washing...Can't see a point in it anymore. I'd rather just climb into bed and sleep. But, if I do that...I'll be up all night tossing & turning. My, my isn't life wonderful?

    I don't have the courage to go to the doctors...I don't see a point. I'd rather not be sent back to the place I was at before for "therapy" or whatever they call it, it was utter crap - trainee psychyatrists don't listen. Plus, I'm just counting on them to dub me fine since I sit there, smile & tell them I feel fine...I'm a bit of an idiot really? But I suppose it's a defensive mechanism.

    Don't have enough mental motivation to physically leave the house and see anyone. Well, more like it appears people don't want to see me. So what can I do?

    This blog post was utterly pointless, so I'm so, so sorry...I just felt like I should post it somewhere.

    Sorry again

     

    Take Care,

    Gary.

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  • first offering

    by Toad of Toad Hall on 16 February 2010

    Evening all,

    I am the Toad and am delighted to be a blogger here. This is my first post just to touch base and introduce myself.

    I have experience of mental health services from both sides of the fence- I am a mental health professional and also a user of mental health services. I have depression and have been on a recovery journey of sorts since 2001. I'm just getting back on my feet after a recent relapse so bear with me...

     

  • My first post...

    by Scarlett1984 on 16 February 2010

    Well, here I am, writing my very first blog post again, seen as my internet disconnected and I lost it all the first time! I decided to join the mental health blog as a blogger instead of just lurking around reading this and the pregnancy blog and see what I can do and if I can be of any help to anyone! Well, firstly I guess I should tell you a little more about me...

    I'm 25yrs old, living with my husband-to-be and my two furry boys (my cats!). We have quite a funny lifestyle as my SO is a chef and works some of the oddest hours imaginable! We tend to be like ships that pass in the night, but we always try to make sure we have one day a week to spend together and have 'our time' putting everything else to one side. That combined with my furry companions keeps me about as sane & as upbeat as I can manage. My other half and my boys all know me strangely well and can tell exactly when I'm having a down time!!!

    I was diagnosed as having depression in summer 2008, but I've been showing the signs & symptoms of depression since my early teens. I found I could hide my depression from everyone as I'm a bit of a 'smiling depressive' who shuts themself off from everyone when they're having a bad time. It took my a long time to ask for help but its got to be one of the best things I did. I started taking Citalopram late 2008 and after giving it a chance to work & settle into my system, I had a really bad time with being strangely sleepy. I found myself struggling to get through a morning at work without nodding off and the drive home was nightmare, I even had to pull over sometimes. Following a chat with my doctor, we decided it'd be best to change my medication and I'm now taking Fluoxetine, better known as prozac. I'm not doing to bad, but I have a review with my doctor later today as I still don't feel right. I also had a couple of sessions with a CPN, early 2009, and he was fab. Probably one of the most effective things I've done, but the NHS being as it is, sessions are hard to come by and as he felt I was doing well, he felt it was time to discharge me!

    I had a really tough time last year, getting ourselves on the property ladder was really hard, but came to a conclusion in August 2009 with us moving into our very own apartment! To top my year off, bang smack in the middle of trying to buy our home, I lost my Grandma. It was like being hit by a bus. We were really close & to be honest, I still don't think I've dealt with it. She played a massive part in making me the person that I am today and people often say they see a lot of my Grandma in me! I've still not been to visit her grave and only plucked up the courage to go to visit my Grandad at the house they shared together earlier this year.

    Finally, moving onto the present day ... I was hoping we would be able to wean me off my medication (for reason you'll understand soon!) within the next 18 months but its going to be a pretty tough time too. I'm getting the feeling that I might have got a little bit too much on, but I'm determined I'm going to get through it and come out of the other side intact. I currently work full-time, spread across 2 jobs, but thats life and something I need to do which I have no problem with, in fact if I didn't I'd probably go completely mad! On top of work, I've enrolled on a level 3 Open University course which is going to take up a lot of time (I'll be studying until October) and a lot of head space but I'm doing my best to keep on top of things and doing pretty well, even if I do say so myself. The big thing in my life right now, is our wedding, which is one of the reasons I wanted to get off my medication! The church is booked for June 2011 so we have 18 months (well, just a bit less than that!) to get that sorted. Its going to be a small scale, low key wedding and so far, things are going to plan!

    Well, thats a bit (or rather a lot!) about me and my little black cloud. Things are looking up and I'm doing my best to look forward, think positive & look on the brighter side of life. I'm here, healthy and have the most amazing, if a little odd at times, family who love me dearly. To be honest, I sometimes wonder how / why I have depression when I have so much thats good in my life, but I'm coming to learn that there's not always a reason, or not an obvious one at least!

    So, what about everyone else?!? :-)

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