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Posts from October 2008

  • Fretful at forty

    by Teezy on 12 October 2008

    I would like to share my feelings as I was approaching my fortieth birthday. Next birthday I will become fifty and already I can feel it looming ominously over me. Maybe sharing my thoughts of forty, will help me prepare for the fiftieth one. here goes...

    The following is in the life of Teezy; a weepy, woeful, wimp of a woman, who wished to find out why she had not developed into the mature, outgoing, self-assured adult she had hoped to be, when approaching that milestone 'Life begins at...' age. Acutely aware of the 'Special Birthday' stock in her local card shop, Teezy began to fret. In her view, the numbers 4 and 0 were printed purposefully larger than usual, demanding everyone's attention. She has never enjoyed being the centre of attention, so the last thing she wanted was the limelight to shine on her. It would show up all her faults, wouldn't it? A dreadful feeling swept over her as her thoughts raced ahead to summertime, when the postman would innocently deliver 'Best Wishes'; well-intentioned, however unwanted. Admirably, was how this woman had coped with birthdays so far, but she feared this next one would be painful, possibly leaving a scar. She could not look forward to all eyes being upon her, scrutinising and assessing whethther or not the years had been kind to her. Ironically, it was this fear that drove 'The Big 30' survivor to carry out her own self-assessment - a kind of MOT for humans - analising how she had coped with life's myriad trials to date. Perhaps she should try a few counselling sessions; simply a sfe place to explore thoughts and feelings. Nothing to be afraid of as it turns out. After all, what was the worst that could happen? Well, she might have discovered that she really was as awful a person as she kept making out. And the best that could happen? Well, the opposite, of course. Getting acqainted with her true inner self, might enable her to stop putting herself down, meaning that the 40 plus years could be better than ever. 'Go for it' a little voice exclaimed. It was surely worth a try; if nothing is ventured, then nothing is gained.

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  • Journaling Example

    by Teezy on 06 October 2008

    I'm Teezy and I've got a few comments. I must say I'm very chuffed. The written word has aided me in expressing myself, so I'd like to share something I've looked back over. At this point in my new blogging venture, I think the following will explain how I came to be working with The NHS.

    Journal 20.5.06

    Throughout counselling I have found myself saying things like:

    ‘Susan Jeffers author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ is nice. Towards the end of her book, some of her language could have been my language. We were on the same wavelength: she thought, felt and spoke words which I would have done. I said to my counsellor, “I could have written the book.”

    Self-Help books have been a useful tool to helping me out of my darkness and loneliness. I have a great respect for books.

    Saying things like, “I don’t think I’m ever going to write a book - I’m finding there’s millions out there already”

    Thinking up ideas for books for brief periods then they’re gone, but the hopefulness remains. Repeatedly, re-enforcement tells me that I probably will write something.

    Anyway it’ll probably be in fits and starts; giant steps and baby steps or if necessary a quarter of a baby step. A quick look over this ought to bring me down again if I’m flying too high or too fast. My wings are oooh soooo fragile. It need never happen. Its just a notion. Keep the perspective, Teezy.

    26.5.06 My son is urging me to “write a book” Where did that come from? I laughed, knowing exactly where from. His intuition picks up on my thoughts of doing one. He keeps bringing it up and I keep laughing. I think this is a case of divine intervention. He’d even publish it on the internet……… A Gift from God?

    7 March 2007

    My son is still urging me to write a book. He is working well at college and so he would like to see me doing well and getting happy vibes from it.

    Well I’m thinking now that I would like to continue ‘My Millennium’ story for the Depression Alliance at least. A journey into counselling: Where is the safety net? Can you face your demons? How do you begin? 5 sessions - Are you better yet? Try Try Try again. Never delve into what session stirred up in you - negativity. Be honest and intuitive and inspire others to give counselling a try - even if they’re feeling ‘fine’.

    Take a difficult situation, or behaviour and learn about it and how you were affected and probably are still affected. Get a new perspective and grow. The story continues…



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  • Ups and downs of life...

    by helenlp on 06 October 2008

    This blog is so new and so quiet that I feel I should write something just to keep things going.  But have never blogged before so don't really know what to write.  So will just say a little about what is happening in my life at the moment and hope it's not too boring!

    Life is a bit of a mixed bag at the moment.  Have spent the past two years doing lots of active service user work for the NHS and others but by last spring it was starting to take its toll and I decided to back off from it a little.  Still do some, but am very choosy about what I do and don't do.  Of course, the downside of doing less of that is more time on my hands and having too much time to think isn't good for my mental health.  A few years ago I coped with my depression by focusing on art - took several art and textiles distance learning courses with the OCA and then started to sell a little bit of my work here and there.  But then the service user work took over and I have done very little creative stuff for 18 months.  So am rediscovering that now that I have a little more time.  Am also walking the new dog for at least an hour a day, which is making me fitter and ensuring I get out of the house at least once a day.

    At home this is quite an anxious time since my daughter is about to make her secondary school application.  Not an easy process in this city, with lots of schools but not enough places at the good ones for every one who wants one.  So we are doing the rounds of school visits and worrying about what will happen next year.  I want to trust that all will be well, but she doesn't cope well with change and has suffered dreadful panic attacks in the past when faced with any kind of uncertainty.  But, having said all that, Mr.B (the dog) has transformed her life.  She is so in love with him, and even when she is feeling really down, all it takes is a hug and lick from MrB to make her laugh.  He has boosted her confidence and given her someone to hug who expects absolutely nothing back from her except love and attention.  We resisted her requests for a dog for so long but what a good decision it was to finally let her have one!



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