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by hendy on 21 April 2011

well its been a while but i feel like am startin to get back on track its taking its time but hopefully am getting life has been so hard the past few weeks n i felt like i couldnt go on so i ended up in hospital for 6 weeks the longest stay i have ever had and when it was time to leave i didnt want to i was so scared i hate the feeling and emotions i get i dont really know how to explain it i feel like am a different person i go off the rails self destructed mode i put my family and friends through so much but i dont see it at the time and now i look back i cant be sorry enough but i get told its not me it the BPD but i feel thats just a cop out people tell me not to be so hard on myself but its how i cope my self harm is back to the max and i have started new ways of hurting myself which i hate but just cant stop at the min my brain is working so hard 24/7 its so exchusting am back in touch with my cpn seeing her a couple of times aweek which is helping i have also started on new antidepressants called escitralopram am hopeing they will be upped soon has am only on 20mg but they are new ones so am giving them ago..has anyone else been on them i have never come across these ones before so if anyone has anything to say about them then please do,i will try not to leave it so long again hope everyone else is managing ok

all my love emma


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torchwood fan said on 21 April 2011

hi its great to hear from you again sorry things are so the moment im on diazapan which is making me ok for now i believe it was the last thing to try knowing im addicted makes no difference. no i havnt heard of the tablets maybe there new im not the person to tell you not to self harm i dont know how you stop did it make it any easier in hospital my cpn says they wont put me in because it would make it worse dont know how it can at least you got away from life for a bit youre bound to be scared it all lands back onto you dosent it keep blogging and look after yourself

Candycan said on 22 April 2011

Hi sorry to hear your news. I took escitalopram for a year or so and they helped me. I felt kinda numb on them so no bad feelings but no good either, but for me I was just glad not to be feeling the way you are any longer. They really helped with my anxiety problems. I had a lot of problems when I stopped taking them, strange physical sensations, but I guess coming off anything is going to be hard.

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