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Going Back to Go Forward (10)

by JustEliza on 25 January 2011

Two weeks of therapy have passed since my last confession. I'm progressing too fast now to write each revelation and heartache. I try to be honest and write my experience of therapy, rather than just my interpretation, but my experiences of therapy lately have been wounding. And my defences have so far prevented me from writing it down. It's too dangerous. I'm too afraid.

I ache, thinking of death most days, even when cradled in my husband's arms. Even when smiling, laughing, with a colleague.

I know therapy is meant to be hard. And I am making a lot of progress. But at what cost? I don't feel safe in there. I don't trust her. She's my shattered, frosty, bleeding mirror. And thanks to her, I no longer trust myself.

I deserve better.


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torchwood fan said on 25 January 2011

im sorry lifes been such a pain i dont know much about how you feel but i do know what its like to constantly think of death youve got your husband and im always reading the blogs even if im not on so dont feel alone take care

Gary Williams said on 30 January 2011

I don't know.  I am eagerly waiting to see someone in the know what ever their title.  All I've got to look forward to at the moment is a telephone assessment with turning point.

Maybe you have to move backwards to be able to move forwards.  I hope you get through it.  Stick with it.



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