25 June, 2009


Keeping Your Relationship Healthy

Remember life is about choices...you choose what kind of partner you like (tall, dark, handsome…), you choose whether to move in together or get married, you choose to stay together or to separate. Therefore the things you do to keep things together are based on choice. Here are some tips that many have benefited from...

  • You don't have to feel loving to be loving. You can choose to be caring or careless, remember it's your choice.

  • You don't always deserve to be loved. We all do things wrong on occasions. This is because we are human. Remember you can choose to love your partner even when you feel they don't deserve it.

  • Choose to treat your partner with respect. You probably wouldn't want to be treated badly, and you are more likely to get positive responses from respect rather than ridicule!

  • Blurry Girl Sometimes you just need a hug. This is the same for your partner and probably almost every other human being on this planet. Giving and receiving comfort, especially when things are tough, is essential in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. A listening ear, reassuring word or loving touch at the right time can build bridges where you felt they may have been destroyed long ago.

  • Listen…really listen. Don't just nod, grunt or mumble in tune with what they are saying. We have all done it at some time, or had it done to us, and know how infuriating this can be. It takes less than 10 minutes to share the events of our day and listen to how our partner's day has been. On average most UK residents spend more time watching advertisements on TV each night than they do talking to their loved ones.

  • Remember, what you said may not be what they hear. Misunderstandings are the main source of conflict in relationships. We generally do not set out to hurt one another, but are often offended by an ill-considered word. Even friendly fire can hurt!

  • Be sure you understand what is being said. During conflicts, or whilst discussing sensitive subject, be sure to feed back what you think your partner is saying before you say what you think or feel about the matter.

  • Keep to the point!! It's very easy to bring up every grievance and hurt you've inflicted on each other when you are arguing. OK, that comment about your mother may still smart, however it's unlikely to have any bearing on your present argument. By keeping to the point you will be able to address the issue you need to resolve. Then, if necessary, talk to them about the comment about your mother later.

  • wine Help one another with the little things. Sharing the washing up can give you an ideal opportunity to talk about how your day has been!

  • Show your appreciation. Be specific about the things you like about your partner, praise can be a tonic when you're feeling low.

Adapted from "Ten Tips For Building A Marriage", by Care for the Family

info More Information: Communication

info More Information: Being Apart - Understanding Service Separation

info More Information: Being Apart - Making the Homecoming Happy

info More Information: Dealing with Relationship Difficulties

CFF LogoCare for the Family
Offering practical support and information, Care for the Family aims to promote strong family life and support those hurting due to family breakdown.

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Relate LogoRELATE
Relate offers advice, relationship counselling, sex therapy, workshops, mediation, consultations and support face-to-face, by phone and through this website.

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CCS exists to promote, develop and co-ordinate a confidential counselling service for people in marriage and other intimate personal relationships.

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Scottish Marriage CareScottish Marriage Care
Scottish Marriage Care is an independent charity with 40 years experience in the specialist field of relationship counselling. Our services are delivered through our 21 counselling outlets and are for couples of all ages and stages in their relationships. We counsel couples that are married, separated, divorced, co-habiting and living apart and our sessions are offered without judgement or discrimination regardless of client's race, personal beliefs, religion or social background.

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