18 April, 2009


Dealing With Relationship Difficulties

butting headsIt's just not the same since he's been away, what can we do?
The changes we can experience whilst being away from each other can be difficult to understand. We learn new skills, meet new people, and see new things. Some of these things can have major impact on our relationships, as people can change in all sorts of ways. Again, it's important to share our experiences with each other, and to talk about how we feel, but this can be difficult. Talking is not the cure for everything, but certainly can help.

Our Relationship Section offers 10 Tips on Keeping your Relationship Healthy. We also offer information on the different stages of separation you may experience during deployment.

info More Information: Keeping Your Relationship Healthy

info More Information: Being Apart - Understanding Service Separation

One reason we often experience difficulties in our relationship is failure…failure to get what we need. You may need a hug, a reassuring word, or just a bit of peace occasionally. If we do not get what we want, we can become resentful towards partners or family. One question we need to ask ourselves is do they know what we need? Have you said, "Give me a hug" or told your partner you need a break. It is very easy to expect them to know what we want, especially if we spend our time anticipating their needs. One way to counter this, and introduce positive conversation into our daily lives is the "Needs Exercise". Devised to encourage couples to share their needs and wishes after becoming accustomed to be apart, the "Needs Exercise" has helped many couples to rekindle a feeling of attentiveness…here's how it goes…

  The Needs Exercise

  1. Both agree to undertake the exercise - if not it will not work.

  2. Set aside 10 minutes every day to do the exercise. This can vary; so don't worry about being too rigid. However you will need peace and space to talk and respond to each other's needs.

  3. In exercise:

    • Stand or sit facing each other.

    • Take turns in telling each other one thing you NEED. Not want, need. This may be a cuddle, 5 minutes break from the children, an hour in the bath, or something deeper such as recognition of what you have achieved today, or reassurance that you are loved.

    • After hearing what you and your partner need, try to meet each other's needs, preferably straight away if possible. The main thing is to aim to meet one another's needs, or if not possible, to acknowledge them.

  4. Repeat daily, for as long as you feel necessary.

This is not a cure all miracle and may not work for everyone, however many people have benefited from using this exercise, or adapting it to their needs!

Some people may wish to get help in understanding each other, especially where separation has led to problems in the home. Naval Personal & Family Service (NPFS) and Royal Marines Welfare offer support and counselling for service couples seeking help in this area. Alternatively, there are other organisations that offer relationship counselling if necessary. One major provider of couple counselling is RELATE, a nation-wide organisation, aimed at providing relationship counselling.

info More Information: RNcom Help Desk

info More Information: Confidential Support Line

info More Information: Communication

info More Information: Being Apart - Stages of Service Separation

info More Information: NPFS & RM Welfare

website Web site: RELATE

website Web site: BBCi pages on Relationships

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
Relationships aren't always healthy. Sometimes they hurt, and sometimes they hurt you. There is growing recognition of the impact violence in the home has on children, and the extreme danger many people face at the hands of those they love.

info More Information: Domestic Violence

info More Information: RNcom Help Desk

info More Information: Confidential Support Line

infoMore Information: NPFS & RM Welfare

Broken HeartWhen Relationships End
Sometimes relationships deteriorate beyond reconciliation. At this point you may wish to seek practical, legal or emotional advice and support about what happens next. You may wish to access support regarding mediation, reconciliation or try to resolve any number of relationship issues. Don't worry - support is at hand. There is a wealth of agencies and organisations that provide advice and guidance in this area. Should you wish to discuss your situation or access services, contact RNcom Help Desk, Confidential Support Line, or NPFS & RM Welfare.

info More Information: Separation and Divorce

info More Information: RNcom Help Desk

info More Information: Confidential Support Line

info More Information: NPFS & RM Welfare

info More Information: Legal Matters - Family Quarters and Marital Breakdown

website Web site: RELATE

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