How the ear works – explanatory/informative writing

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This explanation text was related to work on sound and the human body which the class had been studying in science.

A page of handwritten text, titled 'How the ear works', annotated with teacher notes.
The text reads: 'Ears are a very important part of our body because they allow beings to hear. People usually have a one pair of ears which are each located on both sides of the head. The ear can be divided into three parts: the outer ear, the middle ear and the inner ear. The outer ear is the part that can be seen. It is also known as the Pinna. The pinna which is shaped to channel sounds into the ear hole, looks rather like an oval. This part of the ear admits sounds. The reason that the ear hols it is shaped like a rube, is so that sound can travel through it easily. The middle ear starts at the ear drum, which is just inside the ear hole. The eardrum vibrates like a drum when we hear sounds. There has to be air on eiter side of the ear-drum in order to vibrate. The air travels up from your throat through a narrow tube to your inner ear. There are three bones that are the iniest in your body which help the sound to travel from the ear-drum to the inner ear. They are the hammer, anvil and stirrup. They are held tightly together by muscles, so that there is no sound loss. The ear drum vibrates against the hammer which then passes on to the anvil, after that the vibrations pass onto the stirrup. Bone is very dence so sound conduction is fast and efficient. So now you know how important ears are, so we have to make sure we take extra care of them. We can start by cleaning them regularly. Then we can make sure that we dont stick anything in our ears e.g. pens or sticks.' The paragraph explaining the outer ear is annotated with the notes 'Ideas organised by clustering related points in paragraphs (AF3 L4 b1) Material is generally in logical sequence, with overall direction of writing implicitly signalled by reference to three parts of the ear (AF3 L4 b3)', 'All punctuation use accureately (AF6 L5 b1) including some use of commas to mark clauses (AF6 L4 b3)', Sentence structure varied to maintain focs on subject matter and provide clarity (AF5 L5 b1)' and 'Paragraohs used to structure main ideas in explanation (AF4 L5 b1)'. The paragraph explaining the middle ear is annotated with the notes 'Relative clauses and adverbial phrases develop in some detail (AF1 L4 b2)' and 'Precise use of technical vocabulary, including nominal groups appropraite for purpose of writing (AF7 L5 b2)'.

Assessment summary

Farida has competently organised this response, clustering ideas into paragraphs (AF3) and using these to manage content (AF4). There is an awareness that the main purpose of the writing is to inform (AF2) and relevant information is presented to the reader with some appropriate detail (AF1). The length and structure of sentences varies, with some expansion through the use of subordinating connectives to establish links in the explanations (AF5). The demarcation of sentences is secure and there is some accurate use of the comma to mark clauses (AF6). Some technical terminology ('muscles', 'vibration', 'sound loss', 'sound conduction') is used accurately (AF7) and the spelling is generally correct (AF8).

For all the AFs, Farida shows that she can fulfil the criteria at level 4 securely, and there is evidence of the level 5 criteria being addressed in places, especially AFs 5, 4 and 7.