Recount of a family holiday
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Children were asked to write about a family holiday. During paired
discussion, they were asked to talk about events from their holiday in a
sequential order and to talk about their favourite parts of the
holiday, explaining what they had enjoyed most and why.
The pupil has written the following on lined paper.
Us went on holiday. It was grat fun. we had went to the owl sancshredcnd it was a ivewowisanc stand ther was loadse of olws and ther was a. [unreadable word] clay men frame and a new cup of and a new owl. There we went huf to the cureavan ley � nex to us was blare and us luke [unreadable word] and [unreadable words] next to are carvan was a park we went to the park evrey day [crossed out words] the next day we went to the pod and afta the pod we went to [unreadable word] land and we had a [unreadable word] men we went to the buls pen and ther was a baby is play eryu and chrlladen pluyerta and [unreadable word] ofe wavery slayd one grat big sleidd one littl steyt on meatl saelsasleya abd abether littl sle [unreadable word] and melissa got are face pin ded and naya got her fase pinted.
This is annotated with statements in boxes and arrows pointing to features of the text.
Annotation one says 'Simple opening (AF3 L2 b2)'.
Annotation two says 'Sentences mostly grammatically incorrect (AF6 below L2)'.
Annotation three says 'High frequency words spelt incorrectly but often phonetically plausible attempts made (AF8 L2 e.g. b4)'. This points to circled words in the text: 'afta', 'chrlladen' and 'big sleidd'.
Annotation four says 'Capital and full stops mainly inaccurate (AF6 below L2)'. This points to circled words in the text: 'fun. we', 'was a.' and use of a hyphen.
Annotation five says 'No attempt made to signal sections or group ideas (AF4 below L2)' and 'Some use of sequencing ideas (AF3 L2 b1)'. This points to circled features of the text: 'Then', 'the next day' and 'after the'.
Annotation six says 'one wavy slide (etc.) recalls traditional tales. Not really effective in recount'.
In her recount, Stephanie shows that she can use some elements of the
given writing form (AF2). There is a clear sense of 'who, what, where
and when' and the recount is written in the past tense (AF5). Stephanie
includes some relevant details and a few apt word choices that create
interest for the reader (AF1). When describing the slides in the park,
her use of story language is awkwardly placed. There is an attempt to
sequence ideas (AF3) but the overall piece lacks cohesion and there is
no definite ending (AF3). Some use of time connectives, 'The next day',
'Then we went', support the chronological sequencing of events.
Stephanie uses a mixture of simple and compound sentences but
inaccuracies in punctuation detract from the overall effectiveness of
the sentence structure (AF6). Stephanie's handwriting is difficult to
read and incorrect letter formation can sometimes result in loss of
meaning. This deterioration in handwriting style often occurs when
Stephanie is asked to write
for a sustained amount of time. Overall, the evidence suggests that she
is working on the level 1/level 2 borderline.