Narrative writing: The Amazing Pebble – end of summer term
This piece was set as a means of formal assessment, and written independently with a minimum of teacher-led introduction to the task. The topic is taken from the bank of QCA Key Stage 1 writing assessment tasks.
One day a little girl went to a florist, and she triptd over a sining stries sparcling stone. then she Pictd it up and then the holl florist tern in to a luvely little cunchry an she sar a little haws saw she hedid off and opnd the dor and went in. she sar her odd fren she saed halo and she shode her stone then Put it on the tayble. She slept here for to days When she had she neatid to go sow she saed good bay and went but then her famly came so they wos ther. the end.
- Apart from the sentence beginning 'When she had…' ideas are chained using 'and' or expressed in compound sentences. Less sentence variation than in the previous recount; 'and', 'then' are main connectives (AF5 L1 b2, less evidence of AF5 L2 b2). Some full stops are missing or misplaced to mark grammatical divisions as noted in the first sample (AF6 L1 b2).
- Pronouns are controlled, adding to the coherence of the piece (AF4 L2 b1). The sequence of events is clear and supported by time connectives, 'one day', 'then' with an incomplete adverbial clause 'when she had …' (AF3 L2 b1).
- Adjectives contribute to description of pebble and place, a noticeable feature of Julia's writing (AF1 L2 b2, AF7 L2 b2). Relevance of arrival of the family not explored, a missed opportunity to develop the narrative (AF1 L2 b1 – not strong evidence).
- Julia's spelling continues to develop. Noticeable are her experiments to convey the past tense, for example 'pict', 'hedid', 'opnd', 'neatid'. Correct '-ed' inflectional ending not yet established but her spelling is now phonetically plausible (AF8 L2). For the first time there is no 'b'/'d' confusion in handwriting.