Story writing: The Boy That Made Fire
Children were given the choice of whether they would like to write a story or a poem, with free choice of content within the overall theme of the fire-crew visit. Tahmid chose to write a story. Before writing the children planned their work by drawing a story map and deciding on the characters and setting. The writing was unaided apart from the use of their story maps.
Once upon a time a boy picked a rock and threw it in the pond to see what to do. Next the boy got two rock and rubbed the rock together. After a flash of something appeared all of a sudden he saw fire. Then he went to tell his mum mum called the fire brigade they put out the fire. Finally mum told the boy off and the boy never made fire again and they lived happily ever after the end.
- The sentences in this piece all begin with time connectives, an effective choice for a chronological tale. While there is reliance on 'and' as the all-purpose connective to join ideas, word and clause order in sentences shows some variation, for example 'threw it in the pond to see what to do', 'After a flash [of] something appeared all of a sudden he saw fire' (AF5 L2 b1). The past tense is generally consistent throughout (AF5 L2 b3).
- Main ideas are punctuated in 'chunks', with shorter sentences showing more accurate use of full stops and capital letters (AF6 L1 b2).
- Formulaic phrases from traditional tales indicate start/end of the text ('once upon a time… happily ever after the end.')(AF3 L1 b1), and time connectives convey ideas in sequence (AF3 L2 b1).
- In this simple story, pronouns 'he', 'his' and 'they' link all events back to the main character (the boy) (AF4 L1 b1).
- Tahmid uses ideas from traditional tales and everyday life to make up a story relevant to his title. Some ideas expressed through interesting word choices 'rubbed', 'flash of sumthing upiyud') (AF1 L1 b1).
- Reasonably appropriate use of some of the language and structure of a traditional tale to write a contemporary story (AF2 L2 b2).
- Vocabulary choices reflect both everyday usage ('mum told the boy off') and more literary expressions ('a flash of … all of sudden') (AF7 L2 b1).