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APP writing standards file: James (Year 1 high level 2)

Narrative writing: An Amazing Egg

James' writing was in response to a stimulus planned by the teacher. The oversized egg was 'found' in the school garden and after discussions on the 'talkaround' mat, a resource which helps children sit in a talk circle and focus on a particular object or artefact. The children wrote their stories independently.

Part 1 on James' writing about the 'Amazing egg'. Part 2 on James' writing about the 'Amazing egg'.

Assessment commentary

  • Adverbial phrases as well as pronouns give variation to sentence openings, e.g. 'Once upon a time', 'On the way down', 'When'. Some variations in sentence length contribute to pace of story and create interest: 'At the other side of the wall he heard a sound/he followed it/it was his mummy'. Most of the sentences used are simple or compound, with limited subordination. Consistent use of past and present tense (AF5 L2 b1, b2 and b3; AF5 L3 b2).
  • Some use of full stops and capital letters demarcate sentences, although not consistently (AF6 L2 b2). Clause structure is correct, exclamation marks are used accurately and appropriately (AF6 L2 b1 and b3).
  • Opening and closing of story signalled: 'Once upon a time there was…', 'he decided he had enough of adventures'. Writing is sequenced logically, with a beginning, middle and end, i.e. actions have consequences and are followed through (AF3 L3 b2 and b3).
  • Simple paragraphs collect related ideas together, and within them links are made through pronouns and adverbials, although movement between paragraphs is sometimes abrupt (AF4 L3 b1, b2 and b3).
  • The writing includes some interesting use of repetition for emphasis, e.g. 'run or stay run or stay'. Free indirect speech also gives insights into the character's feelings: 'Run he thought and he did', 'he decided he [had] had enough of adventures'. There is some elaboration of nouns and a varied choice of verbs, e.g. 'cracked', 'popped', 'decided'. An overall point of view is shown through the use of comments on the events, e.g. 'he wasn't very confident', 'his problems turned into fears' (AF1 L3 b1, b2 and b3).
  • The story is written in a lively entertaining style playing on the conventional features of tales about lost baby creatures, e.g. the curlew runs away from his official rescuers. Readers implicitly share the main character's emotions and motivations (AF2 L3 b1, b2 and b3).
  • Vocabulary choices are appropriate and effective in conveying attitudes of character, e.g. 'very confident', 'had enough' (AF7 L3 b1 and b2).
  • Spelling of many content words is either phonetically plausible or correct, e.g. 'corner', 'adventures', 'curlew', with some errors in high frequency grammatical words, e.g. 'know', 'when', 'didn't', 'couldn't', and in some past tense inflexions, e.g. 'turned', 'followed', with phonetic approximations to others, e.g. 'thought', 'blew' (AF8 L2 b1 and b2).


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