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Mental Health Blog

Posts from April 2010

• 

  Morning all...

  by Scarlett1984 on 06 April 2010
  
  “

  Morning everyone. Its ages since I've written (again!) but things have been pretty busy over the last month or so really, so much for keeping my blog updated more often!

  I got my mark back for my OU coursework and I did a lot better than I expected, I'm really pleased and it's put me in a better mind frame to approach the next assignment. I'm doing my best to keep up with things & hopefully I'm doing ok, fingers crossed, things will continue to go well.

  No real progression on the wedding front, but its not like we're lagging behind. We've got my dress & shoes, mens ties, bridesmaids dresses, cake and church all sorted so I think thats pretty good to be fair. I think we're going to book an appointment to go and look at a venue for the reception later this week as well. Its the things like a photographer and a florist that aren't going to be easy...I haven't a clue and its not like we have any friends who've recently go married who can give us recommendations! Oh well, we'll have to go in blind and see what happens!

  I went for my exercise referral consultation and the girl seemed really nice. She's set me a programme and I'm almost sticking to it. I just don't like the stuff with the free weights she's added in. Not a fan. I just miss them out most of the time. I'm feeling a lot better though, I'd definitely recommend exercise to anyone who's struggling. It can seem like a struggle to get out of the house sometimes but I'm coming round to the idea that I know I'll feel much better when I've been and it only takes an hour or so. I've even found myself staying a little bit longer when I feel up to it and doing a bit more cardio. I have lost weight but strangely enough my boobs haven't shrunk!!! :-)

  I've signed up for Race for Life as well, to try and keep my motivation up. It seems to be helping although I'm struggling a bit with sponsors. I've set up an online sponsorship page so anyone who fancies donating can click here and pass it round :-) ... http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/amy_f Fingers crossed I can do it in my target time of around about half an hour (its what I did it in 10yrs ago!).

  Right then. I'd best get on with some work! Its not like I don't have enough to do!

  ”
  Filed under: Depression, Beating the Blues, Exercise, feel better, Update, confidence

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• 

  Catching you up (9)

  by JustEliza on 06 April 2010
  
  “

  (Selections from November 2008)
  
  Even without the vitamin supplements, which worked wonders in making me more agreeable and calm, I'm certain I've reached another plateau. Acknowledging my giftedness brought with it an introspection into my intellectual confidence and creative potential. It's hard to accept how I hold myself back, how I've resisted taking charge of my decisions: making real choices that pay real respect to my real feelings and beliefs.
  
  I attribute this to withdrawing from my parents and withholding my thoughts and ideas (and life) from them, as well as the many years of being bullied. I'm comfortable with submission. That cold, numb place is more familiar than anyone's arms. But I've said this already. What I really want to know is how being gifted yet not being gifted impacted my mental health.
  
  I think a lot about graduate school. More specifically, I think about the circumstances surrounding me leaving it. It's a recognisable turning point in helping me to finally seek treatment today, and I know it deserves more consideration. Despite the massive lows, studying that subject under that professor was something that really inspired and challenged me. I understand now why he selected me to work with him and pulled so many strings to make it happen. He saw in me exactly what I now see in him: another passionately gifted person struggling to resolve the same life experiences. I knew that, but I felt like my failure to stick with graduate school meant I didn't have the same thirst for understanding anymore, that I wasn't meant to be a professor.
  
  I do not regret leaving school. The breakdown was inevitable. I needed to consolidate my life experiences and be in a more stable, loving environment. As I fill those needs and the world becomes a safer place, it becomes easier to recognise the more complex aspects of me. I can point a finger at myself, ask myself candidly again… Why am I afraid of going back to graduate school? …knowing full well the answer is blinking in neon lights in every memory I have. School has only ever held me back, bullied me into submission, or provided a platform for my exclusion.
  
  When have I ever truly been welcomed, accepted, and understood by someone? I don't just mean pieces of me. I mean the whole, unrestrained me.
  
  I am not blaming others for rejecting me; most of the opportunity has been lost by my own self-willed reclusion. I have undeniably been playing it safe: playing up to what I know people prefer, fitting my own needs into what is blatantly possible. Could it really be that I underachieve when others still marvel at my talents? I can feel myself holding back from asserting that belief. But it's me I'm talking about, and I know what it feels to really try, to push yourself, to concentrate and perform. I haven't performed at that level in a long time.
  
  And I need to.

  ”
  Filed under: bullying, feelings, memories, parents, rejection, giftedness, gifted, familiarity, being, perform, submission, respect, understanding, acceptance, beliefs, underachieve

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• 

  "Blank"

  by GaryP on 02 April 2010
  
  “

  Send round the mental people.

  Lock me up.

  Drug me with medications.

  Just please...Make it go away...

  It's my birthday in 6 days. Current birthday plans? Cry into a bottle of vodka about how much I hate life, alone; after I've been to the doctors and more than likely be referred off somewhere and have my medication lowered, taken off or bumped up.

  This is gonna be a fantastic 17th...

  ”
  1 comment

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