What can I do?

If you are being abused by your partner or someone close to you, there are three important steps you can take:

• Recognise that it is happening to you. (below)

• Accept that you are not to blame. (below)

• Get help and support. (See ‘Who can I talk to?’)

Recognising domestic violence

Domestic violence is usually a pattern of abuse which may include destructive criticism, pressure tactics, disrespect, breaking trust, isolation and harassment. Some abusers are remorseful and persuade their partners that the abuse won’t happen again. But, however persuasive they seem, the violence usually gets worse over time.

Domestic violence may happen to anyone, and in all kinds of relationships regardless of age, race, gender, sexuality, disability, wealth, geography and lifestyle. The abuse can begin at any time-in new relationships or after many years spent together.

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Accepting that you are not to blame

It is not easy to accept that a loved one can behave so aggressively. And because you can’t explain your partner’s behaviour, you may assume that you are to blame. You are not. No one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humiliated, least of all by a partner in a supposedly caring relationship. It is your abuser’s behaviour that needs to change. There is no excuse.
Getting help

The most important thing you can do is tell someone you trust. You may quite easily and quickly decide to ask for help. Or you may find the process long and painful as you try to make the relationship work and stop the violence, while struggling against the practical and emotional reasons for staying.

Most people try to find help a number of times before getting what they need, and even after leaving the relationship, there may still be a risk. The point of separation is sometimes the most dangerous time. Never be afraid to ask for help again and remember, in an emergency, always call the police by dialing 999 (minicom 0800 112 999).

Police officers have the power to arrest where they have reasonable grounds for believing that an arrest is necessary to prevent the offender from causing physical injury to you or your child.

Alternatively, you may wish to go directly to your local Police Station. Most Police forces now have either a specialist domestic violence unit or domestic violence co-ordinators who are experienced in dealing with such cases.

Remember that domestic violence is often a crime and agencies are there to work together to wipe out and prevent that crime, while protecting its victims. It is not simply the responsibility of a victim of domestic violence to end the abuse and you have the right to live without violence or fear of violence.

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