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The slaphead has landed
This is the 'Me' website. What does Mark do now, for those of you who have tuned in at some stage to one of over 30 stations? He's MD of Garrison Radio, the British Army's own radio service, which became the first new military broadcaster since WW2.
UEFA Cup Final date for Mark
  
Me Mark hosts the Boro fans square, my mate Gary at the front and a British soldier who's a Boro fan, over from Germany.
Here's Mark's EUFA Cup Final Diary
TUESDAY It's breakfast at home and off to the airport with my lad Mini Me. I successfully hold up the queue because one of our names hasn't been changed on the manifest, with everyone thinking I've forgotten my passport. That's only happened once and then I'd taken the wrong one. More coffee, chat with Mark Schwarzer in the departure lounge and then onto the chartered BMI plane with Boro players, management, Steve Gibson and a few of us others and we're.....
On our way to Eindhoven to see my small town in Europe play in our biggest final in 130 years and maybe to win our second ever major trophy
British Midland's staff don't quite seem to see the importance of what we're all going to do, it could have been the 10.20 to London from Durham Tees Valley. A squeaky "good luck" as we land is the best thing on offer. We hang around waiting for our luggage at the carousels, in a very casual atmosphere. It's funny being on a plane or at an airport with so many people you know. The journalists and reporters all seem agitated, but no change there. I chat with Steve Gibson who tells Mini Me "me and your Dad used to play football together" but kindly doesn't say to what standard I played, a lot of the time anyway.
We check into our hotel. It's very good, but it looks like a refurbished Whinney Banks school with millions spent on it. After several attempts we find our room, locate some curly sandwiches and decide a toastie by the pool and next to a giant screen showing Italian cycling is better. Later we jump in a cab and have a walk round the city centre, me, Mini Me and my matchday sidekick Greig who's also along. We bump into Sean, an ex-RAF guy and rabid Boro fan, someone I went to school with at Boynton (Hi Derek) get badgered for tickets from a pub full of Boro fans and gravitate to a pancake house. Foolishly me and Mini Me opt for our favourite pizza toppings but on a pancake. I am sure they've lobbed in licorice for good measure. Everyone in the bars asks about our team in very good English and we end up heading to the Market Square where Seville fans will congregate tomorrow. I end up doing a live interview with my old mate Chris Cooper of Talksport, throwing in Sean and Greig for good measure.
WEDNESDAY we have breakfast and Greig calls in from the city centre having supplied the Dutch DJ with a selection of Boro tunes, reporting that there's hardly anyone there, but the biggest TV screen he's ever seen is up and will hover over our heads. We pass Gabby Yorath in the corridor, I say hi and by then it's lunchtime and we are dressed for a Boro party and a European final. We grab a cab to the Stadthuis, designated as the Boro square. Okay it ain't what Sevilla have got with cafes and restaurants and a KFC, but this is purpose built- even down to the Beer and Burger wagons.
The Dutch DJ tells me he didn't understand the Boro tunes CD, which explains why all I hear is Europop on the way there. I had advised that playing 70's & 80s hits common to UK and Europe would probably have been okay and would have gone nicely with a mullet, but we are in Holand, not Germany. Anyway off I go, 4 hours of playing Boro, England and footy tunes, singalong-ish rock songs, flag waving mixes and even the national anthem at regular intervals. There's a solid core who stand to attention for God Save The Queen and combined with being at the UEFA Cup Final it sends a tingle down the spine. We've prepped well with all the Boro mixes we've used over the years and Greig hasn't skimped on his general pop tunes catalogue either. It's great, blazing heat, beer and Boro.
A dozen footballs are doing the rounds, landing regularly on the stage and with 20 people asking for "our ball back". I knock huge goal kicks into the crowd asking who wants a free header? Great to see on many occasions someone rise majestically out of the 7,000 throng and head the ball whilst spilling the plastic pint of beer in each hand. These guys were the best headers every time.
TV crews keep pushing for access to the stage to capture the Boro atmosphere and I gear everyone up for their TV appearances. Even Look North are there, but I doubt we will be first football story on the Beeb's regional TV effort, even if we win the UEFA Cup 7-0. Alan Shearer's charity match or a Sunderland Youth team game are likely to put paid to that. There's a surreal 5 minutes where a Spanish TV crew offer Boro fans money to lose, with me translating /taking the Michael. TV doesn't travel well from the Iberian penninsular. Could you ever understand the logic involved in 3-2-1 with Dusty Bin? The insulted Spanish lady says she is a famous actress and walks off stage with her briefcase of Euros.
At 5.15 I do my last Boro wave from front to back of the fans square and leg it in the direction of PSV Eindhoven's Stadium. Somehow getting a cab slows me down, but I arrive in time to be able to stand around looking lost for 40 minutes and catch my first breath in nearly 5 hours. Eventually I find that I am announcing in English alongside Rafeal Lopez from Sevilla's PR department. Along with PSV's announcer we have some good "Euro" banter, carefully choosing our words for comedy effect on each other. There's not too much to say with 30 minutes before kick off and it's all been scripted. I announce the Boro line up to a just under half full Boro end of the stadium. Knowing then my next job will only be if the Boro score, I persuade the PSV man that he has excellent English and its his stadium anyway and it would be good if he did it. I'm off to my seat in BB section.
 As I fumble my way to my seat I see my pal Adrian Bevington from the FA (Sven's top PR guy), I'm then accosted by ex-referee Jeff Winter who wants to hug me. Jeff was an excellent Premiership referee and he and I go back to Boro matches of 2 decades ago when he was starting his career in Northern League football. I nearly trip over Christain Karembeu, I wave at Tony Mowbray 10 rows back, but he's trying to keep a low profile and doesn't see me.
Mini Me is wearing his Jester's hat and a Mark Schwarzer Boro goalie top. Sadly that's all I want to remember of the match from here, because we got walloped 4-0. I realise my All Areas pass would have allowed me on to the pitch when Sevilla kindly went past us to show us the trophy. I could have nabbed it for a short while, so technically it was in Boro hands, but it's only a thought. Unlike a normal holiday, were they never deliver, the trips escort does text me with the location of the coach to be able to get back to the hotel. Mini Me also collects a slack handful of UEFA Cup Final programmes and the Sevilla supporters applaud all Boro coaches and fans as they pass by.
THURSDAY After opening a can of Chocomel onto my trousers, Mini Me is a man on a mission collecting signatures and being well impressed that Chris Rigott and Stewart Downing are passing the time on PS2s. Steve Gibson bumps into Tony Adams and I tell Mini Me the carrots being thrown on the pitch story. This could have been a great moment in the town's history and for me flying back with the team and the UEFA Cup. I don't bother to ring the PA guy back who I was advising on what was needed for the open topped bus tour that night in Middlesbrough. Yes it was cancelled. I wish Steve McLaren well with England and Stewy D too as we hang around to a singing band of Sevilla supporters. The music is melodic- all it's missing is a few castanets.
We arrive back at Durham Tees Valley, too quickly for an out of tune BMI crew, who can't get the food trays taken in quickly enough before landing. Starting earlier in the flight might have helped, but I'm not in airline management. A cabal of TV crews and reporters are waiting. We wish Mark Schwarzer well for the World Cup and head off to find the car (eventually).
A small town in Europe still awaits its second trophy. A big thank you to Graham Fordy and his team for the above. Up the Boro!
Mark does it for the lancers
Hohne in Germany was recently calling for Mark, as he made a guest appearance for the 9th/12th Lancers. He partied for 2 nights for both Sergeant's and Corporal's mess summer balls. There was a full night's entertainment, raffles, big prizes- if you've been or are in the Army, you know the score. Musical entertainment was provided by SC3 who shared the limelight with Mark's party games and DJ Paul Elphicks disco roadshow. For more information visit www.britent.co.uk.
Hear Mark on the air 
Mark what stations can we hear you on?
Ah- the number 2 question I get after- do you still support the Boro! Okay- Saturdays 11am - 2pm on Garrison Radio.Click here to listen online.
Mark has also hosted the hartlePOOL FM breakfast show. Click here to listen online. Visit hartlePOOL FM the town's first professional radio station and the town's first internet radio station at www.poolfm.com.
Mark has also breakfast hosted at Perth FM at www.perthfm.co.uk . You'll also hear him at weekends on Lanarkshire's L107 at www.L107.com.
email: me@markpage.com
Mark at the Boro
Premiership announcer and pitchside M.C. at Middlesbrough Football Club for 11 seasons. Mark 'jocks' at the Carling Cup Final click here. Eight seasons ago Mark played the first of his flag waving classics mix before the Coca Cola Cup Semi Final with favourites Liverpool. We beat the scousers and went on to our first major final. In 2004 the flag waving mix, since copied by countless clubs, was in action before another famous Riverside victory- the semi final win over Arsenal.
My favourite tune is? Only one- Pigbag! Or to give its full title (Reach Up) Pigbag by the Perfecto All Starz. Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo... is sort of how it goes. They have the same trouble notating the theme to the Archers. Its about time Paul Oakenfold got his finger out and got to the Boro to see what his mix has done instead of being in poncy nightclubs and studios.
How did it become the Boro anthem? Well about 3 months after the song was a hit I was asked to come up with a new runout theme by Bryan Robson the manager. I was asked to put together a selection of tunes, but this was my choice and I put it first on the tape and gave an explanation of how it would work- they went with it! It didn't replace a 60's TV theme called the Power Game. Robbo had picked Europe's The Final Countdown for the Final season at Ayresome Park, but went with me for Pigbag to start us off at the Riverside. Although the Power Game had run a long time, a quick calculation has shown that more people have stood and clapped to Pigbag than heard the Power Game. This takes into account many poor seasons with matching attendances at Ayresome, whereas there has been a consistent 25k+ at what was once just an industrial site called Middlehaven, next to Middlesbrough dock.
How does it work? I get a shout on the walkie talkie from Diane who is in the tunnel at home games, to "Go go go!" If we hit and right and the players keep walking (they don't always- Vinny Jones stopped a Wimbledon team and nobody appeared for a minute) the first 20 seconds of drums co-incides with the players walking out onto the pitch, then the main tune kicks in as they split and run to each end. Their then follows 2 minutes of Boro fandom that is unmatched anywhere in the UK. The Boro faithful Doo doo and clap along until we fade the tune just before 2 minutes. This has just changed though as the Premiership Anthem has to be played first, but Pigbag kicks in as the teams shake hands.
Great Pigbag moments? Playing it when we score a 3rd goal. Playing it at an England match in 2003 when I was announcing and of course in the warm-up at the Carling Cup Final. Best of all though was the twice after we'd won our first cup in 128 years!
Been going to the games long? I've probably missed a handful of home games since I was four years old and that's quite a while. I admire those Boro fans who go home and away without fail every week. Some I recognise from when we were in our years of lowest support in the 80's. I remember being at Cardiff City away and walking round the outside of Ninian Park before kick off and not seeing any Boro fans. When the game kicked off I counted 20 at one end behind the goal.
Years later I was amongst about 300 Boro fans who went to see an Anglo Italian Cup match at Pisa. There were only 500 at the game and like everyone I was most offended to see Lennie Lawrence churn out a reserve side that lost 3-0. In the return leg I got a round of applause for doing a near spot-on announcement of all the players in the Pisa line up. Dead easy when you watch Channel 4 Italian football.
email: me@markpage.com
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